Paul Whitehouse

Royston

Milkman

Himself, Various Characters

Daniel Peggotty

Carl Wood

The Wise One

Tony Matthews

Anastas Mikoyan

Thackery (voice)

Spinoza

Terry Collier / Michael Palin / Manuel / Frankie Howerd / Lurcio / Yosser Hughes / Lord Lawson / Stanley Baldrick / Alan Yentob / Rick / Dennis Potter / Evan Davis / Tim Canterbury / Rick Prog-Rock / Mary Berry / Jools Holland / Paul Merton / Sarah Silligan / Alan Davies / Diddy Andy Hamilton / Various

Self

Self

Self

Self

Gentleman Drunk

The March Hare (voice)

Prancer (voice)

Mayhew (voice) (uncredited)

William Van Dort / Mayhew / Paul the Head Waiter (voice)

Stage Manager

Sir Cadogan

Various

Prancer (voice)

Bouncer

Prancer (voice)

Himself

Ted / Rowley Birkin / Kevin Brown

Mike Smash

Smashie

Spencer Pedal

Mike Smash

Various